Appetizer: Is That A Fact?
Our appetizers give you a delicious taste of our offering. One full story coming up, gluten-free, easily accessible, and shareable.
Big Changes, Big Wow. Or: How Caveman Wooga Got His Shoes
“Don’t you remember, the way it used to be? Since time immemorial, things have always been changing.” – Ada Lovelace, the mother of computers
Wooga was a simple caveman shepherd.
A Very Brief History Of Money
Before money, there was bartering. For example, you could exchange a sheep for 10 sacks of potatoes. But this method of transferring value is quite inaccurate and it’s hard to know how much something is worth exactly. If a sheep is 10 sacks of potatoes, how many sacks of potatoes is a block of goat cheese? Also, if somebody wants to buy your sheep, but you don’t need anything at the moment, what do you do? Do you not sell the sheep? Does the buyer owe you a favour? How much is a sheep worth that you sold a year ago? To simplify all these questions money was created.
Money basically means we all agree on a common way to represent value. This common thing is what we call a currency. A currency can be anything. For example: You could view cows as a kind of currency—and people did for thousands of years. A sheep could be worth 0.1 cows. But the problem with cows is that you can’t easily split them up. They’re also shaped different; a cow may be bigger or smaller, be healthy or sick… Every cow is a unique and beautiful snowflake. In other words, there is no standard cow.
That’s why currencies shifted to non-living materials like gold1. Many basic goods like oil, wheat, and steel are priced in US Dollars. Gold was chosen as the basis for US Dollars because it is a relatively rare material which takes great effort to extract & process. You can’t easily fake gold and it’s also quite heavy for the space it takes up. According to the Source, the standard gold bar is 12.4 kg (27.4 lb) which makes it hard to steal because you can’t easily move a lot of it. Thus, for convenience, people used coins & paper, but those could still be converted to gold. Gold also does not expire, unlike cows, and it can be remelted into many different shapes and sizes (also unlike cows).
And then… in 1971, something truly remarkable happened: The US dollar was no longer linked to gold. There is nothing physical representing your money anymore. Money is worth something because we all trust that we can exchange it for something valuable. In other words, the value of money is based on trust in its substitution.
Wooga is a shepherd.
Wooga wants to eat a cow.
Neighbour has a cow.
Wooga is friendly and asks Neighbour for a cow.
Neighbour says the exchange rate is 5 sheep for one cow.
Wooga is happy with this deal and gives 5 sheep.
Wooga is very hungry and wants another cow.
Neighbour now asks 6 sheep for the new cow.
“Why,” asks Wooga.
“Sheep have more demand, and your cow is lower quality,” responds Neighbour.
Wooga real mad.
Wooga smashes cave wall with club real hard.
Wooga unearths gold.
Neighbour likes how shiny gold is.
Wooga and Neighbour shift to the gold standard.
Wooga uses little coins because it’s more convenient.
Wooga finds gold too heavy and eventually decouples from the gold standard.
Wooga still uses coins & paper but it’s no longer linked to gold.
Wooga does not care because it can still buy cow.
But slowly… Wooga becomes unhappy. Why?2
A Very Brief History Of The World Wars
Resources are limited & people find it difficult to be happy with what they have. Nations are a bunch of people together. The nations fight.
World War 1 was horrible. It was a conflict over who should own the natural resources in Africa.3 As with most wars, alliances were forged because it’s better to share a victory than completely own a loss. As World War 1 ended, the winners made an example out of the losers.
Negative consequences can make nations think twice about waging another war. Furthermore, the shift from a war economy to a peaceful economy is rarely smooth. The end result was that Germany’s economy & military was ruined.4 Germany was a proud nation without a path to flourishing; World War I was generally considered bad idea within Germany, and so, in the time it takes for a baby to grow into an adult, they decided to have another one.5 Germany rebelled6.
World War 2 was horrible. It ended when a weapon was used of previously unimaginable power: The ATOM BOMB. Since then, nations do not only have the power to destroy each other—they could destroy the world. As World War 2 ended, instead of punishing the losers, a different approach was taken: Interweaving economies.7 Nations became dependent upon each other; if a nation wanted to hurt another they would also hurt themselves. In other words, learn to work together or shoot yourself in the foot.8
Wooga wants more territory for sheep.
Neighbour wants more territory for cows.
World War 1 starts.
Wooga & Neighbour destroy each other’s farms.
Wooga wins, punishes Neighbour for destroying his farms.
Neighbour mad, does not want to pay reparations. Rebuilds in secret.
World War 2 starts.
Wooga & Neighbour destroy each other’s farms using more powerful weapons.
The ATOM BOMB can destroy the world.
Wooga & Neighbour agree to connect their economies.
If anyone is mad, it would be like hitting yourself with a club.
Nobody could possibly be that stupid.
The Unprecedented Decades Of Progress
“Let us start a war to improve our nation’s innovation”, politician Aksel Johansson once said. He may not have won the local election of Fåset, but he did have a point: Better weapons win wars; the toughest sword-fighter is easily destroyed by an idiot-savant with a gun. Thus nations massively invest in research during wartimes.
Blessed be, you can thank the military for having a major role in funding: The internet, aeroplanes, radars, bug spray, super glue, sanitary napkins, computers, nylon crochet “home sweet home” tapestries made by your nan, aviator sunglasses, railroads, walkie-talkies, slinky toys9, wristwatches, confetti, canned foods, refrigerators, microwaves, trebuchets10, duct tape, nuclear reactors, lung cancer11, ambulances, tea bags, vegetarian sausages, stainless steel, digital cameras, synthetic rubber, memory foam mattresses, and more!12
After World War 2, the conditions were right for an unprecedented storm of progress; expanded railways, cheap electricity, mass-market cars13, a bunch of babies, techno-optimism, and a willingness to invest in education.
The average person wasn’t rich by modern standards, but there was a tangible sense of progress; tomorrow was a promise that things would get generally better. In many ways, it was true: Women were freed from domestic work through electronic appliances like washing machines & toasters, which meant they could finally pursue leadership positions14 in air-conditioned offices; railroads and cars increased the speed of transport allowing people to spend more free time on pop15; dogs went to space with rockets; aluminium deodorants made people smell better16; antibiotics & vaccines prevented deaths by dreadful diseases like Smallpox, and typewriters finally allowed doctors to communicate with legible writing. And, most importantly, there was plenty of kumbaya to go around; jealousy went the way of the dodo because all neighbours lived in copy-paste suburban houses with lawns made of neon-green Bermuda grass.
But wait, there’s more; it sounds like a scam, but the law is by Moore: Computers will get double the amount of work done for less money every 2 years. It’s a massive success story measured in GigaFLOPS17. According to the Source, one GigaFLOP of processing power would cost you a cool 2 quadrillion dollars in 194518. Yet, today, you can buy a GigaFLOP for 0.01 dollar.
Computers also need storage. In 1957, a GigaB19 cost 9.2 million dollars. The same amount of storage would cost you 0.022 dollars today.
In short, that’s a lot more bang for your buck! Even the most confident snake oil salesman would struggle to convince the most gullible idiot of these numbers—but the numbers don’t lie.20
Dr. Siegfried Johannes, an expert on the subject of big numbers, explains: “Numbers lie in a confidence interval. That’s how we tell the truth in science; we keep trying until we’re 95% certain that we’re not wrong. Then it becomes a scientific fact.
Wooga spends money to buy better weapons.
What are good weapons without good shoes?
Wooga wins the second war.
Wooga makes many babies.
Wooga’s babies all have better shoes.
Wooga world makes a technological leap.
Thank you good shoes.
These essays are part of the book Is That A Fact?
Other appetizers:
In the 20th century, China chose a silver standard instead of a gold standard. The International Olympic committee thus decided they would only ever get second place in the sport of economical thinking. However, it did force Chinese people to count with bigger numbers. That’s why there are no Chinese economists, but plenty of Chinese mathematicians!
Part of the reason for Wooga’s unhappiness is that Wooga has not yet discovered the true marvel of the dynamo lamp. Through locomotion, the dynamo lamp creates artificial light, forging a safe passage in the darkness of night. If you’re going to cycle, why not use a dynamo lamp? Dynamo lamps: Lumination innovation driven by you.
At its core, it’s not a conflict about borders on a map; that would be mistaking the representation for that which it represents. Fundamentally it’s about resources; borders are how you draw the line over who owns which resource. However, even this has been abstracted; nowadays, you can’t even be sure who owns a resource. This was not a problem during Imperialism because it was clear that everything belonged to the imperium, whether you agreed or not. They were simpler times, in a way. Had some bad parts, too…
Germany’s military was formally limited, but that didn’t stop the nation from expanding its military in secret. Youth sporting clubs were used to train soldiers. It’s a rare example of a true large-scale conspiracy.
“When you fail, try again and blame the news,” said Tristopher Trobbelus after he jumped off a cliff while learning how to fly.
A relevant side note. There is an interesting theory to explain criminal behaviour called Merton’s Strain Theory Of Deviance. In my opinion, the applicability of the theory expands way beyond criminal behaviour; I think it can also help explain the behaviour of nations. In short, the kind of action you take depends on what your goals are and what the conventional means are to achieve those goals. There are 5 combinations:
1. Accept goals + accept means = Conformance.
2. Accept goals + reject means = Innovation.
3. Reject goals + accept means = Ritualism.
4. Reject goals + reject means = Retreatism.
5. Find new goals & new means = Rebellion.
Arguably, interweaving economies to prevent global nuclear annihilation was an ego decision; you can’t brag if there’s no one left to brag to.
Due to advances in feminism, there will not be a third World War. Recent data shows that new recruits in the army are overwhelming female. Compared to their male counterparts, female soldiers have a different fighting style; they prefer ruining someone’s reputation rather than physical fighting. Just ask Cleopatra’s rival Hatshepsut. Never heard of her? Well, that’s Cleopatra working her twisted magic from the grave… Except, that’s not entirely true… In Belgium, we keep the memory of Hatshepsut alive by eating “hutsepot”. Hutsepot is a dish made of various vegetables that grew in the fertile crescent of the Nile region; potatoes, maize, carrots, cabbages… We put it all in one water-filled pot, cook it, and eat it. Eating hutsepot is a terribly exciting event for most Belgians and is an all-natural cure to a common Belgian affliction (each year 5300 Belgians are bored to death while looking in the mirror); hutsepot is a blessing for Belgians just like Hatshepsut was a blessing for the Egyptians. Smakelijk!
This is in fact, a fact.
The trebuchet can move 90 meters in over 300 minutes! It can also fire projectiles.
During World War I, the trenches were plastered with advertisements: “There’s nothing like a good cigarette, some cocaine for your cough, and a piece of chocolate in your mud-pile bed.”
I like writing “and more” whenever my list has ended
An often-forgotten benefit of free markets: The fungibility of money has an inherent anti-discriminatory effect because it benefits the agent to address the widest possible market.
History took an odd turn when the phrase “if it bleeds, it leads” was adopted by the media rather than career-chasing feminists.
Pop is also known as daddy. Many people today have issues with pop’s history, especially upper-class socialites who feel guilt-stricken that pop supported them through college. Although, personally, I don’t feel the hate towards Taylor Swift is justified; her songs about heartbreak are a soothing salve for the troubles of the world, such as climate change.
Ever wonder what the secret ingredient was in 19th century French perfumes? Wonder no longer: It was sperm whale stomach stones!
Giga (think: BIG) Floppy (Disk) Point Operations Per Second.
Adjusted for inflation. The first-generation electronic digital computer couldn’t even handle a GigaFLOP. It cost $7,916,000 for a whopping 0.0000000385 GigaFLOPS. Sounds like a bad investment, but that’s the price of a prototype. Irony of ironies, if you are successful at scaling an innovation, you’ll wonder how the prototype was ever so expensive.
The GigaB, or GigaBabyte, is composed of 8 bitties. Ada Lovelace, said on the matter: “It was women who gave birth to computing and, as we have known since time immemorial, it is the bitties that nurture them.”
Hips do not lie either, as the philosopher Shakita B. pointed out in her ground-breaking essay on the anterior. Unfortunately, further research revealed that thoughts are formed in the brain.